The Campaign Killers: 12 People You Need To Fire

This post is by Jerry Bader. I thought it was terrific so I'm
posting it for you. I read it to my husband and he was like,
"Hey, that's me... That's me too... That one also!" Good thing
he owns his company. No one can fire him. Get the gist though.
There are some important points here. A nice way to wrap up
a good year, if you're a glass-half-full kind of person...
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Sometimes it seems like the hardest thing to do in business is
to get things done: so little time, so many obstacles. And when
it comes to marketing it gets even worse, after all there are
all those administrative details that need to be dealt with,
emails, inquiries, suppliers, and on and on. Finding the time to
devote to creating a sustained, focused marketing effort seems
like it's near impossible. But the biggest obstacles of all are
some of your trusted colleagues and advisors; you know the ones
I'm talking about, the ones that are a royal pain-in-the-ass.
So lets just call them on the proverbial carpet and fire their
butts; but first let's check the files and find out who they
are.

File One: Mr. Inertia
Everybody knows this guy. He's the one who hasn't had a new
idea in five years. This is the fellow who thinks everything is
just fine the way it is, so let's not rock-the-boat, everything
is just hunky-dory, thank you very much.

You have to treat your business like it's a shark: no standing
still, if you don't keep moving forward, you won't survive.
It's a competitive world out there, and in the Web-centric
marketing environment, you're not only competing with the shop
down the street, you're competing with the whole world, so
standing still is not an option. Mr. Inertia, you're fired!

File Two: Mr. Know-It-All
I love this guy, he knows everything, he's done everything, and
if you ask him he'll tell you he invented it. It doesn't
matter what it is or even if it relates to your business, he's
done it all and seen it all, or so he says. This is Mr.
Know-It-All; he stopped learning, stopped improving, and stopped
listening years ago.

Despite all his self-proclaimed knowledge and insight, this guy
hasn't contributed anything meaningful to the marketing effort
since a Blackberry was something you ate. Mr. Know-It-All,
you're fired!

File Three: Mr. My-Business-Is-Unique
We all like to feel that we have created something unique,
something different, something that no one else does. The fact
is business is business; it's very dangerous to think that your
company is so unusual that it's irreplaceable, so different
that you don't need to market, so special that branding isn't
required, and so singular that positioning is a waste of time.

Don't be fooled, finding your 'mark of differentiation' is
just as much an exercise in marketing as it is an exercise in
product development. Mr. My-Business-Is-Unique, you're fired!

File Four: Mr. We-Always-Do-It-This-Way
At one point in my career I ran a company that manufactured
photo albums. We had a large competitor who always undercut our
price no matter what we sold our product for. In an effort to
find out how they were gaining this advantage, we cut open one
of their new albums and found that they were using cheap
corrugated cardboard as a stiffener instead of the more
expensive traditional 80-point board everybody in the industry
used.

Our sales manager made an appointment with a major photo chain
known for only buying quality. He made a dramatic presentation
by cutting open our competition's product illustrating the
superior nature of our product and demonstrating how they were
being duped into buying the inferior junk our competitor was
selling them. The buyer, who was also one of the owners looked
at the products on his desk, uttered an expletive-deleted and
laughed, "Yea," he said, "but they are cheaper."

Just because things were done the same way forever, doesn't
mean that you can keep doing it that way. Keep innovating,
experimenting, challenging the status quo. Mr.
We-Always-Do-It-This Way, you're fired.

File Five: Mr. Everybody-Is-Stupid (But Me)
This clown's a real buzz-kill. In brainstorming sessions this
is the guy who shoots down every idea that comes up without
offering any alternatives. If some idea is actually adopted he
immediately begins to try and change it. You'll usually find
him with a coffee in one hand and a donut in the other, standing
over someone who is actually trying to work, telling them to
move it a pixel to the right or add a little blue or saying
stuff like, "I think it needs a pony, ya add a pony." This
jerk is like a dog going from hydrant to fencepost depositing
his mark without any purpose or validity other than leaving his
scent. Not only is this guy unproductive, he makes everybody
around him less productive. Mr. Everybody-Is-Stupid (But Me),
your fired!

File Six: Mr. I-Know-All-The-Customers-Worth-Knowing
Hard to believe but this guy does exist. I once called on a
potential client who told me he didn't need a website because
he knew all the customers worth knowing, all six of them. He was
a manufacturer and he did sell to the six largest retail buyers
of his merchandise but one thing I've learned over the years,
you never have enough customers, and as soon as you think
you've got them all sewed up, watch out, because every
competitor is out to take them away from you. And as good as you
are or as good as you think you are clients will eventually be
pursued by a competitor offering something better or cheaper.
Never stop prospecting, never stop looking for new business, and
never be satisfied. Mr. I-Know-All-The-Customers-Worth-Knowing,
you're fired.

File Seven: Mr. I-Know-All-The-Benefits
We all could be guilty of this marketing sin if we're not
careful. Thinking you know everything that people do with your
product or service is a risky mindset and speaks to a lack of
vision. This guy goes to the appropriate conventions, listens to
all his industry's experts and reads only stuff about his own
established market. If it's about something else, he's just
not interested, and he doesn't see or understand the
relevance.

The fact is all your customers are people who have lives outside
of business; they all have problems, insecurities, hobbies, and
interests that have nothing to do with business. And they may
have a totally different point-of-view as to what you offer and
how they can use it. You must pay attention to what's going on
in the world and how people think and react to events and
situations. The market is an emotional and psychological
minefield and you must pay attention to outside forces because
if you don't you're limiting your potential. Mr.
I-Know-All-The-Benefits, I'm sorry but you're fired!

File Eight: Mr. Everything-Is-Bulls@%t
This employee is not just useless, he's downright destructive;
no matter what marketing plan you're considering implementing
this guy thinks it's bull. He doesn't believe in branding,
positioning, or any form of sophisticated marketing. He doesn't
believe that psychology or emotion plays any part in the sales
process and is probably the master of wining and dining clients
resulting in the biggest expense account in the company but not
much else. His clients were customers before he arrived and will
probably be there after he leaves unless he pisses them off.
This guy still doesn't see the benefit of a website and keeps
repeating, 'it's just an electronic brochure.' His answer to
a dip in sales is always the same, to cut prices. Mr.
Everything-Is-Bulls@%t, you're fired!

File Nine: Mr. I'll-Get-Around-To-It
Nobody really knows what this guy does. He is pleasant, tells
good jokes, and he most likely is the guy who brings coffee and
cookies to the office for everybody once a week. His desk is
always piled high with papers, files, and binders, and when you
ask him for something he invariably starts to rummage through
this heap of junk ultimately telling you that he'll bring it
along as soon as he finds it, he's just been 'sooo' busy. It
takes him three days to answer an email, a week to return a
phone call, and at least two weeks to respond to a request for
a quotation. This guy just has to go. Mr. I'll-Get-Around-To-It,
you're fired!

File Ten: Mr. Automatic Pilot
This chap believes that the great benefit of having a Web-based
business is that he doesn't have to work. This guy spent a
considerable sum of money having a bunch of programmers,
probably from one of those offshore sweatshops, develop a
website system that automatically answers emails, fills orders,
and processes inquiries. The only problem is that it doesn't
matter if a customer has a question or complaint they all get
the same email-response that says they can order even more stuff
they can't figure out how to use. Mr. Automatic Pilot, you're
fired!

File Eleven: Mr. I-Don't-Need-No-Stinking-Creativity
This guy doesn't believe in any kind of creativity, he thinks
everything is based on rational dollar-and-cents
decision-making. His website lists as many features and benefits
in 48 point red Times Roman as he can think of; he highlights
each point in yellow and underlines them in green with a big
purple checkmark beside each one. He adds several royalty-free
photographs of fake customers with quotations he made-up while
sitting on the john. And just to enhance his special offer page,
he tacks-on a bunch of extra bonus gifts like a useless free
e-book. This guy's idea of marketing got stuck in the fifties;
so Mr. I-Don't-Need-No-Stinking-Creativity, you're fired.

File Twelve: Mr. Get-Me-the-Coast
You run across these types every now and again. I once went to a
meeting with this guy who was the Vice President of Whatever
Mega Corporation. At first glance, he was very impressive,
handsome and tall with a big office and lots of hair, and a
voice made for AM radio. He talked faster than anyone I ever
met. As we made our presentation, he slammed his hand down on
the intercom and bellowed to his secretary to "Get me Johnny on
the coast!" Before I knew what hit me, he's talking to his guy
in California who's on his way to his dry cleaner to pick up
his laundry. He asked him a couple of questions as fast as I
ever heard without much reference to anything we were discussing
and slammed down the phone with a thud. I had no idea what we
were talking about or if this guy heard a single word we said.
This guy was the master of taking meetings and impressing
people, but with what I am still not sure. Mr. Get-Me-the-Coast,
your fired!

A Final Thought

The single most important thing about managing good staff or
contractors is that they will only be as good as you let them.
So now that you've laid-waste to a staff of dead weight, what's
next? You need to hire or outsource the right people; people who
are creative, innovative, and talented; people who are
interested in getting things done, whether it's filing or
creating your next marketing campaign.
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Jerry Bader is Senior Partner at MRPwebmedia, a website design
firm that specializes in Web-audio and Web-video. Visit
http://www.mrpwebmedia.com/ads, http://www.136words.com, and
http://www.sonicpersonality.com. Contact at info@mrpwebmedia.com
or telephone (905) 764-1246.
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